HOMEWORK

NOTES

1 Alfredo De Massis, Federico Frattini, Antonio Majocchi, and Lucia Piscitello, “Family firms in the global economy: Toward a deeper understanding of internationalization determinants, processes, and outcomes,” Global Strategy Journal 8, no. 1 (2018): 3–21.

2 Family Enterprise Xchange Foundation, Family Enterprise Matters: Harnessing the Most Powerful Driver of Economic Growth in Canada (Oakville, ON: Family Enterprise Xchange Foundation, 2019), familyenterprise.ca/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/FeX-2019-Report-Family-Enterprise-Matters.pdf

3 “Family Business Statistics,” Resources for Entrepreneurs, gaebler.com/Family-Business-Statistics.htm.

4 Daryl R. Conner, Managing at the Speed of Change: How Resilient Managers Succeed and Prosper Where Others Fail (New York: Random House, 1993).

5 “Critical Thinking Cheatsheet,” Future Focused Learning, get.futurefocusedlearning.net/critical-thinking-cheatsheet.

6 Albert Mehrabian and Morton Wiener, “Decoding of Inconsistent Communications,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 6, no. 1 (1967): 109–114. See also Albert Mehrabian and Susan R. Ferris, “Inference of Attitudes from Nonverbal Communication in Two Channels,” Journal of Consulting Psychology 31, no. 3 (1967): 248–252.

7 Stephen W. Porges, "The Neurobiology of Feelings Safe," The Neuropsychotherapist 5, no. 10 (October 10, 2017): 12–23, thescienceofpsychotherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/NPtV5I10.pdf.

8 Lorne C. Plunkett Lorne C. Plunkett and Robert Fournier, Participative Management: Implementing Empowerment (New York: Wiley, 1991).

9 Jenny Rooney, “With ‘Applied Empathy,’ Michael Ventura Spotlights Empathy as Competitive Advantage in Business,” Forbes, May 21, 2018, forbes.com/sites/jenniferrooney/2018/05/21/with-applied-empathy-michael-ventura-spotlights-empathy-as-competitive-advantage-in-business.

10 Agata Blaszczak-Boxe, “Too Much Emotional Intelligence Is a Bad Thing,” Scientific American Mind, March 1, 2017, scientificamerican.com/article/too-much-emotional-intelligence-is-a-bad-thing. See also Kim Armstrong, “‘I Feel Your Pain’: The Neuroscience of Empathy,” Observer 31, no. 1 (January 2018), psychologicalscience.org/observer/neuroscience-empathy.

11 Kendra Cherry, “What Is the Negativity Bias?” Verywell Mind, April 29, 2020, verywellmind.com/negative-bias-4589618.

12 Tiffany A. Ito, Jeff T. Larsen, N. Kyle Smith, and John T. Cacioppo, “Negative Information Weighs More Heavily on the Brain: The Negativity Bias in Evaluative Categorizations,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 75, no. 4 (1998): 887–900.

13 Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky, “Choices, Values, and Frames,” American Psychologist 39, no. 4 (1984): 341–350.

14 These phrases are adapted from Sharon Salzberg, Real Love: The Art o f Mindful Connection (New York: Flatiron Books, 2017), 19. Loving kindness is a meditation technique rooted in ancient Buddhist traditions and teachings. It is a practice to cultivate self-love, inner peace, understanding, and empathy for others through the repetition of certain phrases to express these intentions.

15 Jay Lappin, “Family Therapy: A Structural Approach,” in Paradigms of Clinical Social Work, ed. Rachelle A. Dorfman (New York: Brunner/Mazel, 1988), 220–252.

16 Ludo Van der Heyden, Christine Blondel, and Randel S. Carlock, “Fair Process: Striving for Justice in Family Business,” Family Business Review 18, no. 1 (March 1, 2005): 1–21.

17 Triangulation,” in Family Therapy Glossary, 4th edition, eds. Ashley L. Landers, Rikki Patton, and Mallica Reynolds (Alexandria, Va: American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, 2016), 32.

18 This is from the neuroscientific research on polyvagal theory developed by Stephen Porges, as discussed in, for instance, Ashley Abramson, “If There Was Ever a Time to Activate Your Vagus Nerve, It Is Now,” Medium, April 10, 2020, elemental.medium.com/if-there-was-ever-a-time-to-activate-your-vagus-nerve-it-is-now-2227e8c6885b.

19 This list is adapted from Craig E. Aronoff and John L. Ward, Family Business Values: How to Assure a Legacy of Continuity and Success (New York: Palgrave Macmillan, 2011).

20 I’m grateful to Andrew Feldmar for originally giving me this framework during one of my own therapy sessions.

21 George Stalk, Jr., and Henry Foley, “Avoid the Traps That Can Destroy Family Businesses,” Harvard Business Review 90 (2012):  25–27, hbr.org/2012/01/avoid-the-traps-that-can-destroy-family-businesses.

22 Matt Wesley in collaboration with Angelo J. Robles, “The Power of amily Culture,” white paper (Greenwich, Ct: Family Office  Association, 2015), 7. hvst.com/posts/the-power-of-family-culture-ox5tBd7J.

23 Henry Mintzberg, “Managing the Strategy Development Process: Deliberate vs. Emergent Strategy,” Harvard Business Review Case Study (December 11, 2019).

24 This term was introduced and developed in Timothy G. Habbershon nd Mary L. Williams, “A Resource-Based Framework for  Assessing the Strategic Advantages of Family Firms,” Family Business Review 12, no. 1 (March 1, 1999): 1–25.

25 This tool is available online at stproject.org/resources/tools-for-transformation (© 2015 Robert Gass).

26 These four stages are loosely adapted from Daryl R. Conner and obert W. Patterson, “Building Commitment to Organizational Change,” Training and Development Journal 36, no. 4 (April 1982): 18–30.

27 The 4 Ps of Change comes from the methodology in William Bridges, Managing Transitions: Making the Most of Change, 4th edition (Boston: Da Capo Press, 2017). I added #5 (Patience) myself because when leaders don’t give enough time to accept and adopt the changes, they don’t stick.

28 In addition to Managing Transitions (see note 27), an important work is William Bridges, Creating You & Co.: Learn to Think Like the CEO of Your Own Career (Boston: Da Capo Press, 1998).

LESSON 3 HOMEWORK

VISion:
Aspire toward a Compelling Future

Ask yourself this question: What do you want to become?

In your role as a leader, try to create your own vision statement. Remember to shorten the time frame to the next 3–5 years. Here are a few examples from clients to get you thinking:

“To make the best decisions, I will become an invitational leader and welcome my team’s opinions, thoughts, and suggestions.”

“Less fear, more boldness.”

“I will create a strong and lasting family business by developing excellent professional relationships with my children, nieces and nephews who work with me. I will be a loving mentor!”

Here are a few things to keep in mind before you start:

1. Keep it simple. And brief.

2. Focus on what kind of leader you want to become, and think about those specific actions, traits, expe- riences, and competencies that would have a significant impact on your leadership in the future.

LESSON 5 HOMEWORK

GOVERNANCE:
CREATE A SaFe CONTAINER

Answer this question: How do you govern responsibly?

Since governance is all about accountability, be discerning about which decisions you’re making as a leader at home and at work. Which ones are clearly defined, communicated, and accepted? Which ones are confusing, assumed, or challenged by others?

Here’s a great tool—adapted by many organizational development consultants—to help you define and manage accountability for small to complex projects. It will align your team/family members, reduce ego trips and power plays, increase focus, and get the best results. When the roles and responsibilities are clearly articulated, decision-making is more streamlined, efficient, and effective. My favorite version is called the DARCI Accountability Grid:

LESSON 7 HOMEWORK

Relationships:
Nurture and Inspire the Best in Everyone

Answer this question: How can you help others become their best selves?

Here are a few guidelines to nurture your relation- ships with kindness and respect:

Ask, don’t assume: Start with communicating in a way that attends to the specific needs of your listener. Ask these questions:

In order for me to communicate with you as effectively as possible, what should I do?

What should I avoid doing?

What kind of information do you want to receive from me first?

I once walked into a meeting with M, a senior executive client who I knew had no time to waste (or rather, I assumed had no time to waste). Thinking I was being respectful, I sat down, opened my file, pulled out my notes, and immediately addressed the first item on our agenda. After a few minutes, M stopped me and said,

“What are you doing? I can’t just start talking business with you. I need to warm up with some small talk!” I’ll always be grateful to M for the reminder that it’s up to me to ask my interlocutor what kind of communication they want from me, not make assumptions about what I think they need. The lesson for leaders, then, is that you can’t get to inspiration until you create an effective communication language with a follower so they can really hear you. Asking these questions makes them feel like they really matter.

Treat every encounter as your last: Not to be maudlin, but there are no guarantees you will have infinite opportunities to be with a family or team member . . . or to even have one more conversation, meeting, or visit after your last. A mentor once reminded me that “every relation- ship is a series of hellos and goodbyes,” so make each one count. One of the best ways to inspire someone is to make them feel that their presence has elevated and inspired you to be the best leader, parent, partner, friend, or colleague. Show your gratitude by giving each person your undivided attention. It will inspire their best efforts in return.

Go deep: Be real and show up as your whole and authentic self. Admit when you’re wrong, and encourage others to learn from their mistakes as you have. Being vulnerable builds trust, which is the oxygen of true relationships. When you go deep (versus staying on the surface) you will invite others to get to know the real you, and they will hopefully reciprocate with their true experiences and aspirations.

Don’t micromanage: Nobody likes a control freak. Give people the tools, information, and personal agency to work on a project, learn a new skill, or create healthy habits. Then be there to nurture their progress, offer feedback, and celebrate and cherish their efforts so they can move consistently toward successful outcomes and nourished lives. Everyone needs a cheerleader. No one needs a micromanager.